Esther’s Space- journey through my life

October 18, 2008

Kath & Kim

Filed under: Uncategorized — estherspace @ 9:30 am

Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something missing from the new U.S. version of Kath & Kim.  It’s missing something key.  The character’s aren’t toeing the line with ugly enough, the clothes are too close to being ‘okay’ and the whole thing is politically correct.  Seriously, what’s Kath & Kim without the hated, trampled, disrespected best friend?  And I love Molly Shannon!  And, if it’s going to be set in Florida, I want to see something that points towards the embarassing habits Floridians have lurking under the surface.  But, instead we are giving generic-city, featuring generic mall and boring issues, since it’s very hard to care at all for the characters.  I’m going to have to see something much better before I’m going to give this one the ‘go-ahead’ nod.


October 9, 2008

flashthink on previous post

Filed under: Uncategorized — estherspace @ 8:42 pm

can I use the problems i’m having to illustrate the fact that it is impossible to break free from ‘the system’?  But then, how do I put the blame on the Booker?  maybe the booker is simply a cog in the machine, a tool, not a powerful, active, entity of its own.  It’s not to blame– it’s just doing what it was designed to do. ?  maybe.  But, for now, back to work at the real job that pays me money for not thinking.

September 14, 2008

Videos 4 565

Filed under: Uncategorized — estherspace @ 1:11 am

October 28, 2007

I was shelving the other day….

Filed under: Rave, Uncategorized — estherspace @ 1:48 pm

…and I came across Flesh by my fantastic Senior Sem prof., Hollis Seamon.  Like any other student, I have Googled H.S. to see what she has out there (we have to do it for the authors we read, why not the profs who teach us?!), so I was aware of this book’s existence.  What I was not aware of, however, was the subtitle: A Suzanne LaFleshe Mystery

Funny, since one of the collections of linked stories we are reading is The Strange History of Suzanne LaFleshe.  H.S. is so not pompous, and I am now totally psyched that not only are we reading one of the stories she has written, but that it was awesome enough that it became the title story for the collection. 

By the way, Flesh is great.  She tells the most average things with amazing beauty, and it takes place in Albany, NY.  I detect a bit of her own dissertation experience.  I started it during my lunch at APL, and I wish I had time to read the whole thing now!  It’s definitely going on the shelf for the end of the semester.

June 15, 2007

over exposure

Filed under: Uncategorized — estherspace @ 11:59 am

Okay, my job officially sucks.  I just had a guy expose himself to me at work.  He’s one of the ‘drunk guys’ and comes in regularly.  This time, however, he had something else on his mind besides making a phone call.  ewww.  However, because my job is what my job is, this is not the first time this has happened, the police were not called, and the offender has been banned for one month.  And people wonder why we have security guards. 

So, my confusion continues.  This sort of experience is borderline ‘normal’ for myself and co-workers.  Where can the line be drawn that protects me from sexual harrassment?  I am not allowed to behave in a manner such as this towards patrons, why are they permitted to offend me?  We have a customer behavior policy.  Yet, the customers do not receive it and are likely to be unaware it exists.  I do not encourage sexual innuendos, but obviously someone in society does, because I am ‘hit on’ daily, despite the fact that I wear something very much like a wedding band and claim to be married whenever someone asks (yes, Greg is aware).  Furthermore, this seems to be a females-0nly problem at my workplace.  Male co-workers have no idea what ‘the look’ is, but ask anyone who can wear skirts without violating the dress code, and sympathy abounds. 

So, what do I do?  I get paid too well to quit, unless someone knows of a part-time job that pays over $10/hr. allows me to have freedom in schedule-making, and is in some way useful in the eventual obtainment of a career.  damn it.

April 3, 2007

Cho’ momma is so funny

Filed under: Uncategorized — estherspace @ 9:12 pm

“The Chippendale’s dancers are gay. They’re gay. Because there is no such thing as a straight man with visible abdominal muscles. You have to SUCK COCK to get that kind of muscle definition.”

“Because I wasn’t Asian enough – they decided to hire an Asian Consultant. Because I was fuckin it up as an Asian. She would follow me around: “Margaret! Use chopsticks! And when you are done eating, you can put them in your hair. Now you’re wearing shoes which is something we don’t do in the house. Now I’m just going to leave this abacus right here…”

“I am not gonna die because I failed as someone else. I am gonna succeed as myself. And I’m gonna stay here and rock the mike until the next Korean-American, fag hag, shit starter, girl comic, trash talker, comes up and takes my place!”

I can’t even imagine where to begin.  While the other people I forced to watch the DVD with me didn’t totally get it, I spent the entire hour-and-a-half with my pen and paper…”oh, that is sooo performance, why does she do her female voice like that?” etc.   While some of the references were above my head (sorry!), such as Karl Lagerfeld or “Facts of Life,” once I got into her performance it did help me to better understand the performativity of individual categories of identification.  However, I was looking for it.  The others I watched the DVD with were less than impressed.

The gay man.  Please draw your attention to quote #1.  Every gay man was rather ‘effeminate’ and spoke in a particular manner, and apparently all moved in the same way.  The ‘gay man driving’ thing was soooo nasty.  Oh, and my efforts to appreciate the ‘balls in pantyhose’ scent, bad idea on my part!

“Because I wasn’t Asian enough….”  This is a problem facing individuals of all ethnicities who have been displaced (if that is what it can be called) .  Today at work I had a conversation with one of the security guards about the flack that he has been getting due to the fact that after high school he let go of his ‘thug’ identity in favor of a different image.  Now, he is being criticized for not being ‘black enough.’  My roommate’s mother is German and her father is Greek, with both of them actually coming from their respective countries.  However, my roommate is not ‘Greek enough’ for her dad’s family or ‘German enough’ for her mom’s.  We went to the Russian deli and bought farmer’s cheese.  People only go to the Russian deli to buy farmer’s cheese in order to make Pascha (traditional Easter cheese thing).  But, we are sooooo American.  And we spoke English the entire time.  We received a serious ‘evil eye’ from the owner, maybe it’s related to the fact that last time my roommate was there, she was asked “Vhere are you fram?”  and she responded with, “Michigan.”  I’m Russian Orthodox but know less than 50 words in Russian, and my accent is enough to make any Real Russian flip shit.

How can we win?  Is is about winning?  Wouldn’t the best choice be to allow everyone to behave in whatever manner they feel most comfortable and refrain from categorizing them?  I would argue that such is not possible, for we, as a basic human need, want to categorize ourselves, because in identifying with others we are able to feel like we belong somewhere and are not floating about existence entirely on our own.  We are not made to be completely individual; there have to be at least connections with others that can be drawn.

Even Margaret Cho (Mo Ran Cho) isn’t completely free from the identification process.  She does her best to convince her mother and herself that she is just who she is.  But, as she admits, who she is is simply a, “Korean-American, fag hag, shit starter, girl comic, trash talker.”  Hey, it might not be mainstream, but she is identifying with these various groups as a means of defining herself.  And, even if she doesn’t wholly recognize it, she is performing her ‘self’ in a manner that allows her to define herself as such.

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