Back to Work (as if I haven’t been doing anything)

Wow, I can’t believe how long it has been since I’ve blogged. I’ve intended to, of course, but you know how these things go.

While I’ve been world-wide-web silent, I’ve been busy, I assure you. This summer I have a Fulbright application to work on (so far, nothing), a paper to polish up (a lot) for a conference in the fall (my first one, and it’s in London, so I’m more than a little apprehensive), and I’ve begun my advanced research project (this is the one I’ve made the most progress on, despite the fact that it has the latest due date).

On top of academia, I’m working, I’ve volunteered to be on a planning committee for a women’s conference, I’m spearheading a volunteer project with OCF, and working on coming up with some innovative ideas for the St. Herman’s Conference in December. But, I have found time to watch movies, which is wonderful.

So, I suppose I’m using this post as a sort of to-do list that will help me get focussed and figure out what to do first

For the Fulbright, I need to get some ideas together and get in contact with someone who is in the know on the sort of things I’m interested in pursuing.  I’m going to be honest, I have a fear of people gleaning my ideas for their own use, so nothing more until I have something concrete and very much my own.

Conference paper.  Topic:  linked short stories, Tim Winton, and white Australian search for identity. I’ve got the nugget, but I need some serious help focussing and narrowing.  I’m exploiting my student status as we speak.

Research.  Hmmm.  There’s so much I want to attack, that I don’t know where to begin.  I want to think about Peter Carey & the Booker, but I know that it will be a challenge to write that well.  But, anything else feels like a cop-out right now.  And, I cannot believe how expensive these books that I need are.  E-mail the ILL peeps.

Starting  next week, I only work (officially) 4 days/week, so it’s time to get serious about this stuff.  And help plan St. Seraphim’s.  Sounds like a vaca to me.

Guns & the Erotic

So, true story. My partner in crime was playing a game that involved protecting your compound from invading zombies for 20 days and 20 night. This information alone should be enough to imply a terrible end to the story. While shooting zombies, a player of said game might often finds weapons that the deceased (?) zombies have left behind. The final weapon that one acquires (because he b-e-a-t the game, of course) is a .50 caliber Barrett sniper rifle. This gun is apparently capable of destroying two zombies with a single shot.

After beating the zombie invasion, G. wanted more.  So, he proceeded to take me on a tour of the Wikipedia entry on said gun, and then, over to youtube for videos of the gun being shot.  At this point, numerous comments ensued from me equating pornographic videos and videos of large guns being shot.  So, for the piece de resistance, he found this:

It’s not my thing, but, there’s a market for it.

World Sex Guides

I’ve never really thought about it before, but there is an entire network of information available on the internet if you’re looking to find some great places of prostitution around the world.  It’s crazy.

At sites like  brothelsexguide.com, there is a blog that provides:

 reviews about prostitution venues from all over the world like brothels, red-light districts, bars, massage parlors, strip clubs, agogo, etc.

So there is no personal anymore.  For the record, I don’t love the idea of prostitution as a job.  According to all of the books I’ve read by prostitutes and brothel employees (it has been a fascination of mine for a while), it isn’t a really fulfilling career, and it certainly gives you a very different attitude towards sexual intercourse.

Though it is important to hear what those participating have to say, I want to think about this from the perspective of the consumer.  If your sex selling point is information like:

Expect to pay around 200 Polish Zloty for one hour of fun with a wild Polish or Ukrainian hooker. The atmosphere in some establishments is a bit muffy, but the ladies make up for it in performance. Alcoholic drinks are very cheap so you can combine booze and sex very conveniently. (post on Polish brothels at brothesexguide.com)

do you begin to question your actions?  It’s dangerous to make sweeping statements, but I know that there are women around the world who have sex with people that they meet for the first time, and don’t get paid.  Is it the guarantee of sex that makes brothels and prostitutes so enticing?

And, I can’t help but ask, are these people concerned about all of the nasty netherregion grossness that can be obtained?  Having sex with a foreign person (since many people are interested in ‘adult travel’) who has sex not only with a lot of people, but a lot of people from all over the world (not everyone has the same standards as we do in the us of a) is an enormous risk.  I’m not sure there’s much more you can do than a condom in terms of precautions, but oh boy, all that could go wrong.  At least in places like Nevada there is mandatory condom use and HIV testing every thirty days within the legalized brothels (see here).  But is it enough?

And sex slaves exist around the world.  So, that exciting foreign action you’re getting might only be good for you.

I just can’t understand why this is possible, why the economic support is available to sustain these red light districts.  Is nooky really so much more powerful than the human ability to reason?  Is there something really obvious that I’m missing here?

Today’s Children (in the information age)

I’ve been thinking about it, and I feel the need to publicly state my opinion, probably so I can look back at the end of the semester and laugh at myself for being so sure of something I know so little about. As for the point, when avoiding writing my first post, I did a Google images search for “reading cartoons”. Here’s some of what I came up with:

Obviously I’m not the first to notice it, but these cartoons attest to the fact that (western) children today are undoubtedly in a society that has a very different relationship with literature than I did growing up, and significantly different from the experiences our parents had as children. They have amazing access and skill when it comes to new technologies, and are growing up surrounded by things that are highly influenced by technology. Television has BOOMED. Now we have access to more channels than a normal person should want, and the number is growing every day. Extreme reading, while not yet a television event, has potential.

I think that I would like to make an argument for the the idea that today’s children (tomorrow’s leaders) are developing brains that we cannot even imagine. Of course learning particular tasks develops one portion of the brain over another. These brains will be different, but it isn’t a matter of whether this is good or bad, but rather of attempting to understand it, because the world has changed, and reading’s not coming back in a conventional way.

I am not making an argument for there being great value in a television-dominated child upbringing. There is good research suggesting that, as Caleb Crain noted in the New Yorker, watching something on television is a largely latent activity for the brain.  However, technology extends beyond the television.  If nothing else, figuring out how to program any new technology is a mentally stimulating activity, and these children are simply developing the minds to make it easier.  I am worried about what the future will be for literature, but only because I know that it will be different, and that is always a hard thing.

I hate moving

I hate moving.  I absolutely abhor it.  And I don’t have time for it.  No one has boxes, so everything is packed up in grocery bags.  Why do I own five bajillion books?  Why can I only part with three of them?  grrrrr.  This is also the last week of my class, so I’ve been working on our final presentation (the lost culture of tasmania) and my solo drama (which I hated).  And working.  And I’ve (finally) begun volunteering at the co-op.  Perhaps I should have waited a couple of weeks to start that one.  

So, I’m tired.  I’m stressed, and I would much rather take the time to plant/weed my non-existant garden than move dusty crappy furniture across town using an itsy-bitsy VW beetle.  But, we’re moving.  And our new place is filthy.  Great way to start.

Greg’s going down to West Virginia next week.  I’d love to go, but I can’t afford to skip work like he is.  Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that it costs $55 for Verizon to turn on my phone in the new apartment, even though it does not entail travelling of any sort.  And I got a parking ticket; from last August.  grrrrr 

And life continues, so on and so forth.  No amazing creativity from Esther recently.  Instead, I work, work, work, think about gardening, work.  I recently discovered that my attention span has been so incredibly reduced that not only am I not capable of sitting through an entire movie, I can’t watch a half-hour tv show unless there are commercials involved.  I’ll call this a recovery period.

I’m insane, and it’s all my fault.

I figured out why I feel obligated to do so much.  It’s because very few of the people I know actually respect what it means to pursue ‘English’ as a career.  I grew up on a farm in a rural community where physical labor is the only proof of merit and the way to success.  Walking home from class today, I realized that I feel like I need to make myself an example.  I am pushing myself as if respect for liberal arts rides on my success. 

Intelectually, I know that it does not.  But, I still do it.  I am taking on a lot.  And working a few jobs on top of a very full school schedule.  Why?  I contemplated this during my walk today.  I could just get a loan that covers school and housing expenses and worry about it later, like so many people do.  I bet I could be a wicked smart student in that situation.  (or, more likely, I would just use that time to watch tv, something that doesn’t currently take any priority)

So, I thought and thought.  Then it dawned on me.  It is because I’m afraid.  I’m afraid of debt, I’m afraid of failure.  I ‘need’ to work to pay my housing bills.  But I don’t really need to work; I could just worry about it later.  But, since I’m majoring in English literature and want to get a Ph.D. in Australian Literature and Postcolonial Literary Studies (at least that’s the plan), I feel like I’m going to have so many hurdles to success once I graduate that I should do my best to avoid creating any further obstacles now. 

 What I can’t fully work out is why I am so worried about it.  Why can’t I just ‘know’ that I will be so great at what I do that getting a job will be a breeze and it won’t be too hard to find a school willing to hire me.  Well, I tried that line of thinking, then I realized that English professors don’t really get paid the same as NASA engineers, so then what if I don’t make enough to pay off my loans, let alone buy a house or start a family?  But, society is telling me that I need to buy a house and start a family.  Maybe, but it is something that I want, not just what I feel I should do. 

I should go to counseling. 

I’m going to assume that I’m not the only one with this problem.  I’m also going to assume that the answer is to relax, and keep running the marathon with the knowledge that it has to end sometime.